non-recovering

Last night I went out with some friends for karaoke (video on facebook) and was generally having a good time.  I did backup vocals for a friend while he sang and then after a couple more songs, the DJ got a call saying someone had tried to break into his house.  Understandably, he packed up and left, bringing an early end to the musical stylings of the locals.  I was the last of the group to settle up my bill, and when I walked out to meet the others, I saw someone I hadn’t seen in awhile.  I stopped to say hi, and then noticed somebody else I hadn’t seen in an even longer time.

I thought it somewhat odd that she would be there on karaoke night.  The last time I saw her, she was an alcoholic/addict in recovery with over 2 years of sobriety.  She was a very sweet young woman then, who had her life back on track.  I’ve been told that alcoholics will drink again.  It’s a question of when, not if, and the only thing that will stop them is dying before it happens.  Still, I thought that she would beat the odds.  I thought that with all she had been through during the time that I knew her, if she could stay sober and clean, she’d make it just fine.

Last night, I saw her smoking on the patio with a few people who were drinking.  We smiled at each other.  I still wanted to think the best, although I knew why she was there, and that’s the reason I didn’t walk over to ask how she was doing.  After a few minutes, I went to meet up with my friends at their car.  As I went, I saw her pick up the bottle of beer that had been sitting out of my view behind someone else and down whatever was left in it.

I don’t know why I got my hopes up that she would be alright.  Everybody I’ve ever heard talk about alcoholism has said that sobriety doesn’t last forever, even with support.  Even an alcoholic I know who has been sober for over 24 years always says that he’s just a day away from his next drink.  I guess I just always want to think the best of everyone and hope the best for everyone.  After seeing her last night, I’ve felt pretty crappy.

Although I’m leaving this post public, I’m turning off comments for two reasons.  One is that I don’t particularly want to talk about it right now.  I just wanted to get it off my chest and leave it for awhile.  The other reason is that I don’t want say any more about her.  She has a hard enough road ahead of her without me telling everyone who she is and everything else about her.

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